"Quote"

What does an elephant use for a tampon?

A sheep.

Adult Joke # 0031

Three nuns die and go to heaven, where they are warmly welcomed at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter. “Sisters,” he says, “I want to thank you for all your good work on earth. Now there's just a brief formality before I can admit you to heaven: each of you will have to answer one question.” And, turning to the first nun, he asks, “Sister Catherine, what is the Mystery of the Trinity?”

“That's the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,” she replies. And the lights flash, the bells go off, and Sister Michael is swept into the Pearly Gates.

“Sister Benedicta,” asks Saint Peter gently, “what is the Mystery of the Virgin Birth?”

That's the Immaculate Conception,” she replies, and she too is swept inside the gates with much flashing of lights and sounding of bells.

Sister Angelica is left alone, shaking a bit with nervousness. St. Peter turns to her and asks, “What, Sister Angelica, were the first words Eve said to Adam?”

Sister Angelica thinks it over, beads of sweat starting to appear on her brow, and finally blurts, “Gee, Saint Peter, that's a hard one.”

And the bells went off, the gates opened . . .

Adult Joke # 0030

A blind man and his friend were walking along with the blind man's dog, when the dog simply raised its leg and pissed on the blind man's shoe. To his friend's astonishment, the man reached over and proceeded to stroke the dog's back.

“What the hell are you patting him for?” exclaimed his friend. “The dog just pissed on you!”

“I gotta find out where his head is,” said the blind man testily, “so I can kick his ass.”

Adult Joke # 0029

The Williams were suitably unhappy when their first child was born with no ears, and their best friends, the Cains, were well aware of this. Preparing for their first visit to see the newborn, Mrs. Cain reminded her husband that at all costs he should avoid any reference to the baby's defect.

In no time at all both couples found themselves cooing over the crib. “Look at those arms,” said Mrs. Cain. “He's really going to be able to throw a ball. And those legs—he could be a sprinter. Say, how're his eyes?”

“Terrific,” said the proud mother.

They better be,” blurted Cain. “Hell never be able to wear glasses!”

Adult Joke # 0028

This beautiful young paraplegic was sitting on the beach in her wheelchair, gazing mournfully out at the crashing waves, when a handsome guy came up behind her. “What's wrong?” he asked gently. “Why do you look so sad?”

I’ve never been kissed,” she explained, brushing a tear off her cheek.

“Well, I can take care of that,” said the fellow, and did, then walked off down the beach feeling pretty pleased with himself.

The next week he was walking down the beach again when what should he see but the same beautiful young paraplegic, looking more down-in-the-mouth than ever. “What's wrong now?” he asked, looking deep into her eyes.

I’ve never been fucked,” she said sadly.

“No problem,” he said, his chest swelling with manly pride. He bent over to lift her from the wheelchair, cradled her gently in his arms, and walked slowly down the pier. Reaching the end, he threw her in the water and shouted, “Now you're fucked!”