Tom had been in the liquor business for twenty-five years. Finally sick of the stress, he quit his job and bought fifty acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week, and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation someone knocked on his door. He opened it and saw a huge, bearded man standing there.
“Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. I’m having a Christmas party Friday night, and thought you might like to come.”
“Great,” said Tom, “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some of the local folks. Thank you.”
As Lars was leaving he stopped and said, “Gotta warn you... there’s gonna be some drinkin’.”
“Not a problem,” said Tom. “After twenty-five years in the liquor business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”
Again, the big man started to leave and stopped. “More ‘n likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”
“Well, I get along with people, I’ll be all right. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
“More’n likely be some wild sex, too.”
“Now that’s really not a problem,” said Tom, warming to the idea. “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?”
“Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us…”