Thursday, 14 March 2013

Adult Joke # 0033

One day God decided to make a companion for Adam. He summoned St Peter and told him of his decision. He explained to St Peter that he was going to make a human being who was similar to man, yet was different and could offer him comfort, companionship and pleasure. God said he would call this new creation “woman”. So God went about creating this being which was similar to man yet was different in ways that would be appealing and could provide physical pleasure to man. When he had finished creating this being that would now be called woman he summoned St Peter.

“Oh Lord, once again you have done a cracking job,” said St Peter when he saw the woman.

“Thank you, you are very kind,” replied God, looking pleased with himself. “I am now ready to provide the brain, nerve endings and senses to this being, this woman. I require your assistance on this matter, St Peter. I am thinking of making her brain slightly smaller, yet more intuitive, more feeling, more compassionate and more adaptable than man’s.”

“Good idea again, Lord,” said St Peter.

“What about nerve endings? How many should I put in her hands?”

“How many did you put in Adam?” asked St Peter.

“Two hundred,” replied God.

“Then do the same for this woman,” said St Peter.

“And how many nerve endings shall we put in her feet?”

“How many did we put in Adam?”

“Seventy-five,” replied God. “These beings are constantly on their feet so they benefit from having fewer nerve endings there, so I think I will do the same for woman.”

“Nice one,” said St Peter.“How many nerve endings should we put in woman’s genitals?”

How many did you put in Adam?” asked St Peter.

“Four hundred and twenty,” replied God.

“Of course, I wanted Adam to have a means of receiving extra pleasure in his life, didn’t I? Do you think I should do the same for woman?”

“Again, good idea, Oh Lord,” said St Peter.

“No, wait.” said God. “Fuck it. Let’s give her ten thousand. I want her to scream out my name.”

Tuesday, 12 March 2013


Why did God create Adam first?

Because he didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Adult Joke # 0032

God says to Adam, “I have some good news and some bad news, what do you want to hear first?”

Adam says, “Tell me the good news first.”

God says, “I’m going to give you a penis and a brain. From these two gifts you will derive great pleasure and great intellect.”

“Wow, God,” Adam replies, “that’s great. But what’s the bad news?”

God says, “I’m only going to give you enough of a blood supply to work one at a time.”